Whose Saber? III
by Blue Fire
Summary: Um, they seem to be rebelling. Sequell to I and II
1. Chapter 3

Subj: 
**(no subject)**

Date: 
1/27/01 3:38:20 PM Eastern Standard Time

From: 
[RaeLiv][1]

To: 
[RaeLiv][1]
  
  
Well, I TRIED to stick to the crossover, but my characters had other ideas....(sweatdrops) Sorry. They just got kinda outta hand.**  
**

  
  
  
Whose Saber Is It Anyway? III  
  
  
  


Drew Carey: Welcome back to Whose Saber Is It Anyway, the show where everythings made up and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like makeup on a Rancor. Dosen't make ANY difference whatsoever!  
  
Audience: (laughs)  
  
Drew: Okay, last time we were in the middle of Obi singing pieces of Wookie Love songs! Take it away, guys!  
  
Maul: (grinning nastily) The next song is one of my personal favorites...  
  
Yoda: Old Wookie mating song, it is!  
  
Maul: From the Backstreet Boys, Wookie Body!!  
  
Obi-Wan: (gulps as music starts to play, then nervously tugs at his collar) Ah...  
  
Random Wookie: GROWLLL!!!!!!!   
  
Association For The Protection Of Wookies: This is completely unfair! We CANNOT allow you to do this! Stop at once!!!  
  
BSB Teenyboppers: NOOO!!!!! We wanna hear Obi-kun sing like the Boys!!!!!!!!  
  
AFTPOW: NO!!! (whap teenyboppers with protester signs)  
  
BSBT: EEK! (throw BSB paphernelia at them)  
  
Drew: (blinks) Ah....I guess we'll have to move on. The next game is called Whose Saber. That's right, we have a game called Whose Saber here on 'Whose Saber.' This is for Qui-Gee, Maul, and Yoda.  
  
Obi-Wan: (counts his blessings as he slinks back to his seat)  
  
Drew: We've changed this game a little to accomadate our new guests. the object of the game is now to identify whose lightsaber we're showing!  
  
Yoda: Hmm. Easy this will be.  
  
TV: *(shows a red, double-bladed saber)  
  
Maul: That's.....  
  
Yoda: (whaps him with his walking stick) Belongs to maul it does!  
  
Maul: HEY! Hmph. Who'da thought the great Jedi Yoda was nothing more than a big bully.  
  
Yoda: If Bully I am, then Weenie you are!  
  
Maul: Whatever you say Bully! (fries random audience member)  
  
Yoda: Fry sentients you must not, Weenie!  
  
Maul: Do I LOOK like one of your nansy-pansy students, Bully?  
  
Yoda: (considers) Hmm. No, funner you are.  
  
Qui-Gon: (is starting to get a little bit annoyed) Bully? Weenie? Master Yoda, what in the Force are you DOING??????  
  
Yoda: (calmly) Talking with Weenie I am.  
  
Qui-Gee: (eye twitches) His name is NOT Weenie.....  
  
Maul: (nasty grin) Hey Bully!  
  
Yoda: Yes, Weenie?  
  
Maul: BULLY BULLY BULLY!!!!!!!!  
  
Yoda: WEENIE WEENIE WEENIE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Qui-Gee: (summons the Force and tries to knock them out) SHUT UP! YOU ARE MAKING NO SENSE!  
  
Drew: Ah, guys, we're doing a show here.....  
  
All: (ignore him)  
  
Maul: (saunters up to Qui-Gee) What'sa matter, you want a nickname too?  
  
Qui-Gee: (growls) Back. Off.   
  
Yoda: Bed-Wetter he is, Weenie.  
  
Qui-Gee: (turns scarlet) Master!  
  
Maul: (laughs insanely) You used to wet the bed? PERFECT We'll call you BW!!!  
  
Qui-Gee: (throws a chair at him)  
  
Obi-Wan: (who happened to be in the chair) Meep! (jumps out before he hits Maul)  
  
Suddenly, a portal opened in the middle of the room. Three figures fell out onto the stage)  
  
Amidala: (in full costume, having a royal tantrum) Where the hell are we???? I demand you take me back to the palace!  
  
Older Anakin: Padme, I mean, Amidala, it's okay. Calm down.   
  
Boba Fett: (tries to point weapons at everyone in the room at once)  
  
Drew: Ah, we'll be right back after this commercial break.......  
  
Maul: (fries another random audience member)  
  
Yoda: Weenie, if fry the audience you do, have no one to watch us we will.  
  
Maul: Whatever, Bully.   
  


   [1]: mailto:RaeLiv



	2. Default Chapter Title

Subj: 
**(no subject)**

Date: 
1/12/01 12:25:42 PM Eastern Standard Time

From: 
[RaeLiv][1]

To: 
[RaeLiv][1]
  
  
IIIIIIIII'MMMMMM BACK!!!!!!! Heh heh heh. I guess that, at this point, I should mention that there is OOC-ness is most of my stories. People don't always act like they should. It makes everything MUCH more fun, I assure you. And I expect some nice reviews for this...I had to dig up old Whose Line? tapes to write this. I've been sitting in front of the tv for a good four hours taking notes. ^_^ Goin for the pity factor here...heh. Actually, my main reason for writing these things is to make people laugh, so I enjoy my work. (smacks head) Where did that come from? Ah, nevermind, enjoy the show and remember none of these guys are mine. Not even Drew Carey, whose origional show is set in my hometown. (Cleveland Rocks!!! OHIO!!!!!) Um. Yeah. Shutting up now.**  
**

  
  
  
Whose Saber Is It Anyway? II  
  
  
  
  


Drew Carey: Hello and welcome back to Whose Saber Is it Anyway? At last count, NOBODY had any points, but that dosen't matter cuz the points are like a refridgerator on Hoth. They just don't matter! Our next scene is for all our guests. It's called Props. Obi and Maul are on a team, and Yoda is with Qui. Here's your props.  
  
Obi-Wan: (recieves two bright pink velvet colored sticks) O.o;  
  
Yoda: (starts poking the large, dark green ball he's been handed)  
  
Obi-Wan: Umm...(twirls sticks like a baton player)  
  
Maul: (whispering) Pathetic fool....  
  
Qui Gon: (pretends the ball is one of the Gungan's energy things and he's Jar Jar. He almost trips and kills himself)  
  
Obi-Wan: O.o...Master? AHH! (raises his stick to defend himself as Maul attacks him) These are NOT lightsabers!!!!!  
  
Maul: (whaps Obi-Wan) I shall MAKE them lightsabers!!!!!!!  
  
Yoda: (tries to sit on ball) Jedi Master am I. On Council am I. (rolls backwards off the ball) Augh! Broken leg have I!!!!! Help me you will!!!!!!!  
  
Maul: (pretends poles are electro-prods and keps trying to whack Obi-Wan, who is doing his best to dodge)  
  
Yoda: Acting I am not! Help me up you will!  
  
Qui Gon: (ignores Yoda and starts playing bouncey-ball)  
  
Obi-Wan: (grabs sticks and uses them like nun-chuks on Maul)  
  
Drew: (sounds the buzzer) Alright, 1,000 standard points a piece! We'll be right back after this commecial break!  
  
Obi-Wan: (limps to his seat) Master Yoda...what are we doing here?  
  
Yoda: (annoyed that no one helped him, whacks Obi and Qui Gon with his walking stick) Having fun we are! Be joyful you must! Hmm!  
  
Maul: (snickers)  
  
Qui Gon: Master, how long will this last?  
  
Yoda: Time has no meaning to a Jedi! Be patient, you will!!!!!!!  
  
Drew: Ok, our next show is for everyone but Qui. Yoda and Maul are going to pretend to be telethonists selling their latest album. Can we have a suggestion from the audience as to what the subject of this album will be?  
  
Deranged Audience Member: WOOKIE LOVE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Drew: Alright, Yoda and Maul have to make up song titles for Wookie love songs, and Obi has to sing parts of them!  
  
Obi-Wan: (curses under his breath)  
  
Yoda: Bring you back to tv show later, we will! Selling two cds, we are!  
  
Maul: Wookie love songs, some of the....nicest...in the galaxy. (shudders) Personally, I go for the less sappy songs.  
  
Yoda: Like this one you will! From artist many years in the future, in galaxy far far away it is!  
  
Maul: The Britney Spears hit song, Bite Me Baby One More Time!  
  
Musicians: (somehow know the music)  
  
Obi-Wan: (thinking fast, uses the Force to clue him in about the song. Blushes)  
  
"Oh Wookie Wookie, how was I supposed   
to know,  
That my fur was all sticky  
Oh Wookie Wookie,  
I should have washed  
up first,  
And now you're sticky too and  
Show me how you   
want it too be,  
Tell me Wookie cuz I need to know now  
Oh because  
  
My stickiness is killing me  
And I  
I must confess I still believe  
Still believe  
When you're around I forget to wash  
Help me out,  
Bite me baby one more time!"  
  
  
Audience: (laughs as music stops playing)  
  
Yoda: See, like that you did. Funny looked Obi-Wan.  
  
Obi-Wan: (tries to find something to hide behind) No more...please....  
  
  
  
  
Blue Fire: Okay, do we lsiten to poor Obi-Wan, or continue the story? What do you think, Jabba the Poodle? (holds up little tiny poodle with red ribbons on it's ears)  
  
Poodle: (yaps angrily)  
  
Blue Fire: Hey, it's your own fault you're a poodle. You just wouldn't stop calling me scum. I don't CARE if that's a complement to Hutts! It's ain't to me!  
  
Poodle: (growls and tries to bite Blue Fire's nose)  
  
Blue Fire: (burns Jabba's tail)  
  
  
  
  
  
**  
**

   [1]: mailto:RaeLiv



	3. Default Chapter Title

Subj: 
**(no subject)**

Date: 
1/11/01 10:01:22 PM Eastern Standard Time

From: 
[RaeLiv][1]

To: 
[RaeLiv][1]
  
  
Hey! I thought it was time someone did a Star Wars/Whose Line is it Anyway? crossover. Yes, I'm insane, that's why I had the thought in the first place. But, the results should be rather amusing, so sit back, disengage your hyperdrive, and enjoy!**  
**

  
  
  
Whose Saber Is It Anyway?  
  
  


  
  
Obi-Wan: Master, where are we going?  
  
Qui Gon: I do not know, my Padawan. Master Yoda insisted on our coming, but he would not say why.  
  
Obi-Wan: Maybe he's trying to throw himself another birthday party....(yelps as a stick whacks his knees)  
  
Yoda: Doing that I am not! (stops hitting Obi-Wan) Although good idea, it is. Do it I must.  
  
Qui Gon: So where ARE we going? Another mission?  
  
Yoda: (cackles) Oh, so serious are you. Lighten up, you must! Follow me, you will! (rubs his hands together in maniac glee and walks off)  
  
Obi-Wan:....I felt a tremor in the Force....  
  
Qui Gon: He's up to something.  
  
Yoda: FOLLOW you will!   
  
Obi & Qui: Yes Master.  
  
The two Jedi followed Yoda onto a dimly lit stage. He motioned for them to sit down in the chairs near the back. Obi-Wan took the first seat, Qui Gon the second, and Yoda sat down in the third.   
  
Yoda: (humming to himself) Wait quietly, you must.  
  
Qui Gon: (sits quietly)  
  
Obi-Wan: (wonders what the Sith he's gotten into now)  
  
A fourth person walks onto the stage, heading for the last chair. It is too dark to see who it is. Suddenly, bright, bright, BRIGHT lights (we're talking Tatooine sun on steroids) flood the stage as a fat man with glasses starts talking to the audience who magically appeared.   
  
Drew Carey: Hello and welcome to Whose Saber Is It Anyway? The show where everything's made up, and the points don't matter! That's right, the points are like Miracle Grow on Dagobah! Who needs it? Let's meet tonights guests! First, either he's got a snake hanging onto his right ear, or he's starting a new fashion! Obi-Wan Kenobi!  
  
Obi-Wan: O.o (strokes his braid, sniffs)  
  
Drew: Next up, the guy all your mothers swoon over! Qui Gon Jinn!  
  
Qui Gon: (grins)  
  
Drew: Ah! It's Kermit the Frog! No, wait a minute, that's Yoda!  
  
Yoda: (contemplates killing Drew)  
  
Drew: And last, the Picasso of body art! Darth Maul!  
  
Maul: (glares at audience, Drew, the Jedi, the chairs....)  
  
Obi-Wan: (eyes widen) Darth Maul!   
  
Qui Gon: (whispering to Yoda) Master, what is HE doing here?  
  
Yoda: Invite him I did. Knows how to have fun does he. Learn from him you can.  
  
Drew: So, let's get on with the show! Our first game is called Whose Line, and it's for Obi and Maul! What we're gonna do is give them pieces of paper with lines that the audience wrote down before the show, and throughout the skit they'll use them! (hands Obi-Wan and Maul envelopes of paper) The scene is: Obi, an ugly old woman desperate for a date, hits on bartender Maul!  
  
Obi-Wan: O.O (freezes)  
  
Maul: (pretends to clean glasses, then smash them, clean glasses, then smash them...glares at Obi-Wan) Do you want something??  
  
Obi-Wan: (tries to pull himself together) Er. Um. Yes. I....(gulps) I'mAnUglyOldWomanWillYouGoOutWithMe.  
  
Maul: You know, where I come from we had a saying for women like you. And it was....(pulls out piece of paper) My name is Bill I like tight panties! (identifies the person who wrote that and kills them) we also said (pulls out more paper) Look at me i'm tiny! ....(kills another person) AND we said...(pulls out a paper) The chickens are coming, the chickens are coming!  
  
Person who wrote that: (shifts nervously)  
  
Maul:.....I like that.  
  
Person: (sighs in relief)  
  
Maul: (kills him anyway)  
  
Obi-Wan: (wants out BADLY) Oh. I see. So, um, the answers no....do I leave now?   
  
Yoda: (glares at him)  
  
Obi-Wan: (sighs) Well, um, the...women...of my planet like to say....(grabs a piece of paper) Wookies like to nibble on my toes. (blinks) ....this game is stupid....  
  
Yoda: (whacks Obi upside the head with the Force)  
  
Obi-Wan: Ow! I mean, um, PleaseGoOutWithMe.  
  
Maul: (pretends to throw glass at Obi-Wan)  
  
Drew: (hits the buzzer) Let's go on to a game called Sound Effects, this is for Yoda and Maul. (selects two Ewoks from the audience) Okay, you, the brown one, are gonna do the sound effects for Yoda. Your friend does them for Maul. (hands them huge microphones) The scene is, on a night out on the town, your landspeeder breaks down and you have to fix it. Go ahead!  
  
Yoda: (pretends to drive) Hmm...breaking down, the speeder is. (looks at Ewok, who makes little engine sounds) Engine sounds good, but breaking down it is.   
  
Ewok: (mumbles to his friends and tries to make break-down sounds)   
  
Maul: So get out and fix the D@*# thing.  
  
Yoda: Help me you will. (opens door as Ewok squeaks)  
  
Obi-Wan: (watches in horror as Yoda goes through the entire skit acting like he has no idea how to fix a landspeeder, and ends up laughing with Darth Maul) Master Qui Gon...what is going on??????  
  
  
  
Blue Fire:So, does anyone want a sequel? (listens to crickets chirp) Ah. Kay then. Guess you'll never find out about Qui Gon's reaction to all this....(grins slyly) give me reviews and I'll make a sequel.  
  
Jabba: Ho ho ho! This author is my type of scum!  
  
Blue Fire: Scum? Show some respect or I'll turn you into a poodle.  


   [1]: mailto:RaeLiv



End file.
